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Excluded.

Being excluded. Left out of the group. Do you know that feeling? Perhaps everybody does. It happened to me last year. It was heart breaking.
Literally. Literally was being said: Janneke, we want you out of this group. Still, when writing about this, shivers go down my spine and goose bumps appear on my skin.
Being excluded is one of the most difficult feelings there is. As a human being, we want to belong. We want to belong to the group. We are social animals. And as a result, I had sleepless nights. How could I solve this situation? How could I get them to act nice to me again? I read somewhere it is the cortisol. The stress hormone that runs through your body, since your body knows you’re in danger.
But how much I thought, or cried, or tried to solve it, I could not change the situation. I was being excluded.

“Still, when writing about this, shivers go down my spine and goose bumps appear on my skin.”

The only thing I could do was: accept. Accept of what is. How hard it was, and sometimes still is. I just let the tears come, and accept of what is.

Accept of what is, and believe in myself. Staying true to myself. To who I am. And repeating that to myself. Even how difficult the situation is.

But also, besides the feeling of shame, I felt proud. Proud of sticking to my opinion. Proud of not doing something against my will, just to be accepted by the group.

And I was proud, because several years ago, I would not have been shut out. Because I would be overruled by others, and not give my own point of view.

I used meditation, and still do, every day. In these meditations, I focus on standing for who I am, with all of my strength. 

“Proud of not doing something against my will, just to be accepted by the group.”

And soon I have to face them again. The ones who excluded me. ‘How to deal with that situation?’, I asked my girlfriend, as were walking outside in the forest near the fields. We were looking at the geese in the field, and at that moment, about three geese literally attacked on single goose, by picking with their beaks into the one goose. The goose went a little bit aside, and just continued doing what he was doing; cleaning his feathers. Sticking to him (or her) self.
‘That’, is what my girlfriend said. ‘Just that.’

How to deal with being excluded?
Five things you can do:

  • Accept of what is
  • Staying true to yourself
  • Repeatedly say to yourself to stay true to yourself
  • Feeling proud, to be able to stand for who you are
  • Meditation

Want to have a personal made meditation for you, that you can listen anytime and as often as you wish? Find out more here.


Janneke Bosman – Een met jezelf – personal coaching

Locatie

Veilingstraat
3521 BE Utrecht

Contact

06-44103662
info@jannekebosman.nl